A love story

I found this post sitting mostly finished in my drafts and figured our fourth Valentine’s Day together was an appropriate time to finally post it. If anyone I know personally is reading this, I apologise for the extreme sentimentality that follows.

***

For most of my life, I’ve been an insecure hopeless romantic. Trashy rom-coms and YA books with romantic plotlines delighted me. I daydreamed about various romantic scenarios but I told myself that they were just silly fancies, nothing realistic about them. Mostly my feelings for other people fizzled out within a couple of months, so I thought no one could ever hold my lasting interest. And anyway, why would they like me back? I coated my soft romantic core with a hard layer of cynicism and defiance. I didn’t need anyone, so I tried very hard to pretend I didn’t want anyone either.

When I was a cynical 20 year old who didn’t believe in her own happiness, I went to a Christmas party at a new friend’s house. I ate too much pizza and drank too much wine and was much livelier than normal. Someone I didn’t know walked into the party and all my friends cheered “Lox is back!” I was introduced to this Lox, and because I was drunk and chatty, I held a decently long conversation with him. The conversation itself mostly consisted of me showing him pictures of my cat and demanding that he acknowledge his beautiful felinity. We also talked about music and our journeys overseas – he had just returned from his, I was about to embark on my own. After adding each other on Facebook, we went our separate ways and I spilled wine on my friend’s carpet and had a sober friend drive me home as I sang loudly to the radio. A couple of weeks later, I ran away to England where I met two of my favourite people in the world and had a million beautiful adventures with them.

Happy but still cynical about romance, I returned from England. Lox was at every hangout and we kept sober conversation as easily as that drunken night I showed him every picture in my cat album. Eventually I realised that the fluttery, nauseated feeling I got before seeing him was probably less due to sudden onset sickness and more to do with an ever-growing crush. For weeks, I drove him home – half an hour in the opposite direction of my house – to have an excuse to be around him more. Still, I told myself constantly it would never happen – he was planning on moving to Canada the next year, it’d be awkward because we have the same friends, I wasn’t even remotely appealing so he’d never be interested anyway.

Eventually he realised that I wasn’t driving him home because I was kind and eventually he made a move and eventually he asked me out. And thinking about this still makes me smile, even though we’ve been together for well over three years now.

Once, a well-meaning friend told me I’d never find a man being such a “crazy feminist”. Once, a boy I liked told me I wasn’t really a stunner and should lose weight. Once, I believed that love existed, it just wasn’t meant for me.

Once, I met a boy at a party who challenged and changed my cynical nature, and helped me to believe that maybe love was meant for me after all.

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16 thoughts on “A love story

  1. That was a really lovely thing to read today! Thank you!

    I’ve been experiencing a similar cynicism lately. I believe in love, sure, but I haven’t felt that fluttery feeling in a long time – probably well over two or three years now. I ran into my first-ever crush a few weeks ago and got to talking with him, and felt the stutter-start of that same feeling, even if it was just an echo. I wrote a bit about the experience and will have a similar personal story coming out in the next few weeks, but it was so nice to hear yours!

    What happened with Lox? Are you two still in touch?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you! I tend not to gush about him too much because I still keenly remember how irritating past-me found people talking about their happy relationships, but Lox and I are still together (the picture in this post is actually from the wedding of the friend who introduced us at that party four or five years ago)!

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  2. Girl, I loved this post! Coming from a blog who writes a lot about the mishaps of love… it’s so nice to see couples who are smitten with each other! I haven’t been on wordpress in over two years, but I’m so glad I found your blog! I am the same way, rom-com movies and hopelessly in love YA books warm my heart but I can be a bit cynical about it as well.
    I look forward to your future posts and getting to know you!
    Cheers to happy couples!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. That’s a lovely story. I’ve had all those things said to me too…ballbreaker, not pretty enough, too weird, etc. You’ve somewhat restored my faith though… I’m glad for you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you! I think the world needs more happy & true love stories shared, and less people saying things like you’re too weird or not that pretty (I’ve never said anything like that to someone I wasn’t interested in, why on earth do some people feel like that’s an okay thing to say??)

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